Boredom and Your Child with PDA: Understanding and Managing Those "I'm Bored" Moments

Michelle Davis
May 3
7 min read

A neurodivergent boy with autism and PDA sits at a desk with his hands pressed against his cheeks in a classic expression of boredom and frustration. Colored pencils lie scattered and unused around him, representing activities he can't bring himself to engage with despite having creative tools available. His posture and facial expression capture the complex emotional experience of boredom for children with PDA - not just disinterest, but an overwhelming feeling tied to anxiety and the need for autonomy. The contrast between the colorful art supplies and his disengaged demeanor illustrates the challenge parents face when their child with PDA experiences boredom. — Image Courtesy of istockphoto.com

"I'm boooored." Those two words can strike dread into any parent's heart. But when your child with autism and Pathological Demand Avoidance (PDA), also known as Persistent Drive for Autonomy, utters them, it can feel especially challenging. Why? Because suggesting activities might trigger demand avoidance, while doing nothing might lead to escalating behaviors. It's a delicate balancing act many of us face daily.

As a parent to a daughter with PDA and autism, I've had my fair share of these moments. Just this morning, my daughter slumped dramatically on the couch declaring nothing was interesting anymore. My instinct was to rattle off fifteen potential activities, but I caught myself — I knew that approach would backfire spectacularly. Instead, we navigated the moment differently, which inspired me to share some insights about boredom and your child with PDA.

Understanding Boredom Through a PDA Lens

For children with PDA and autism, boredom isn't just a passing feeling of disinterest. It can be an overwhelming emotional state that triggers anxiety and demand avoidance behaviors. As the PDA Society explains, what appears as "boredom" can actually be an expression of anxiety, which may manifest as restlessness, fidgeting, or disengagement from activities.

Why does this happen? Children with PDA experience the world differently. Their intense need for autonomy means they resist external control, even when it comes to fun activities. This resistance isn't willful defiance — it's a neurological response to perceived demands that trigger anxiety.

Interestingly, a child with PDA might avoid activities they genuinely enjoy if they feel those activities are being imposed on them. This means that even suggesting their favorite game can sometimes backfire if they perceive it as a demand rather than a choice they're making autonomously.

When "I'm Bored" Really Means Something Else

When your child with PDA says they're bored, they might actually be communicating:

"I feel anxious and don't know how to manage it"
"I need more control over my environment right now"
"I'm overwhelmed by sensory input"
"I need help transitioning to a different activity"
"I don't have the executive functioning skills to initiate an activity"

Understanding these underlying messages helps us respond more effectively. For example, what looks like boredom might actually be a sign that your child is experiencing sensory overload and needs downtime, not more stimulation.

The Difference Between Typical Boredom and PDA-Related Boredom

All children get bored. But for kids with PDA and autism, boredom has unique characteristics:

Intensity: The emotional response to boredom can be much stronger
Demand sensitivity: Suggestions to alleviate boredom may be interpreted as demands
Executive functioning challenges: Difficulty initiating activities independently
Anxiety relationship: Boredom and anxiety often feed into each other
Autonomy needs: The need to feel in control influences how they respond to boredom

My friend's son, who also has PDA, shows these differences clearly. While typically developing children might grumble about boredom then find something to do, he experiences intense emotional dysregulation when bored. Simply suggesting activities can trigger a meltdown because it feels like a demand, even though he genuinely wants something to do.

The Boredom-Anxiety Cycle in PDA

For children with PDA and autism, boredom and anxiety often create a challenging cycle. Boredom can trigger anxiety, which leads to avoidance, which limits engagement in activities, which circles back to more boredom. Breaking this cycle requires understanding how each element feeds the other.

According to child psychologists, anxiety is at the core of PDA behaviors. When a child with PDA experiences boredom, the resulting anxiety can trigger their demand avoidance mechanisms. This isn't manipulation or defiance — it's their nervous system responding to perceived threats.

Strategies for Managing Boredom and Your Child with PDA

So how do we help our children navigate boredom without triggering their demand avoidance? Here are some approaches that have worked for many families, including my own:

1. Create an Environment of Autonomy

Children with PDA thrive when they feel in control. Instead of directly suggesting activities when they're bored, create an environment where they can discover options independently:

Set up activity stations around your home that they can access freely
Create visual choice boards they can browse without feeling pressured
Have special interest materials readily available but not explicitly offered

When my daughter says she's bored, I sometimes rearrange her art supplies to be more visible or casually mention that I've been wondering about something related to her current interest. This gives her the autonomy to choose whether to engage without feeling it's a demand.

2. Use Indirect Language

How we talk about activities makes a huge difference. Direct commands like "Why don't you draw?" feel like demands. Instead:

"I wonder what would happen if..."
"I'm thinking about trying..."
"This reminds me of..."
"I've been curious about..."

These approaches invite curiosity without creating pressure. The key is making the language indirect enough that your child feels they're making the choice themselves.

3. Harness Special Interests

Special interests provide a powerful pathway through boredom for children with PDA and autism. The key is finding ways to connect these interests to new activities without making it feel like a demand.

For instance, if your child loves dinosaurs, you might casually leave out new dinosaur books, mention a documentary you're interested in watching, or wonder aloud about how dinosaurs might have created art. The connection to their interest reduces anxiety while the indirect approach preserves their sense of autonomy.

4. Recognize Boredom as a Signal

Sometimes boredom isn't a problem to be solved but a signal that your child needs something else:

Sensory regulation (they might need more or less sensory input)
Connection time with you (without demands)
A change in environment
Rest or downtime
Help processing emotions

Learning to "read" your child's boredom as communication helps you respond more effectively. For my daughter, boredom often signals she needs sensory input but doesn't know how to ask for it directly.

5. Create Boredom-Busting Kits Together

During calm moments, work with your child to create personalized boredom-busting kits. These might include:

Sensory items they find regulating
Small activities related to special interests
Open-ended materials that inspire creativity
Comforting objects that reduce anxiety

The collaborative creation of these kits gives your child ownership and makes using them feel less like following someone else's suggestion.

6. Model Healthy Responses to Boredom

Children learn by watching us. When you're bored, narrate your thinking:

"I'm feeling a bit bored right now. I think I'll try..."
"Nothing seems interesting to me at the moment. I wonder if I need some quiet time..."
"Sometimes when I don't know what to do, I like to just observe what's around me..."

This modeling helps children develop their own strategies without feeling directly instructed.

When Boredom Leads to Challenging Behaviors

Sometimes, despite our best efforts, boredom leads to challenging behaviors. This happens because boredom can increase anxiety, making demand avoidance more pronounced. When this happens:

Focus first on reducing anxiety, not on addressing the behavior
Provide autonomy wherever possible
Offer sensory regulation opportunities
Create space for emotions without judgment
Reconnect before problem-solving

Remember that behaviors communicate needs. A child who becomes disruptive when bored isn't trying to be difficult — they're expressing distress in the only way they can in that moment.

School Strategies for Boredom and Your Child with PDA

School can be particularly challenging for children with PDA, as it's full of demands. Boredom at school often triggers more intense demand avoidance. Some helpful approaches include:

Working with teachers to incorporate special interests into learning
Creating "autonomy zones" where your child can take breaks
Developing signals for when your child needs sensory regulation
Using collaboration rather than direction in learning activities
Finding ways to give choices within necessary activities

One approach that worked well for a friend's son was having a "research corner" in the classroom where he could pursue topics of interest when feeling overwhelmed by regular classwork. This honored his autonomy while keeping him engaged in learning.

The Positive Side of Boredom

While managing boredom can be challenging, it's worth remembering that boredom itself isn't always negative. For all children, including those with PDA and autism, boredom can:

Spark creativity
Lead to deep dives into special interests
Create space for processing emotions and experiences
Provide necessary downtime for the nervous system
Help develop self-regulation skills

The goal isn't to eliminate boredom completely but to help our children develop tools to navigate it in ways that honor their autonomy and reduce anxiety.

Parents Need Support Too

Managing boredom and your child with PDA can be exhausting for parents. Remember to:

Take breaks when possible
Connect with other parents who understand
Celebrate small successes
Be compassionate with yourself on hard days
Remember that progress isn't linear

As parents of children with PDA and autism, we're constantly learning and adjusting our approaches. There will be days when nothing seems to work, and that's okay. What matters is that we keep trying to understand our children's needs.

Next Steps

If you're intrigued by these strategies and want to dive deeper into understanding PDA and autism, I've compiled many more insights in my book, "A Practical Parent's Guide to PDA and Autism." In it, you'll find comprehensive strategies for navigating not just boredom, but all aspects of life with a child who has PDA.

I understand how busy life can be for parents. That's why I've made the book available as an audiobook too. You can listen while commuting, doing household chores, or during those precious moments of downtime. The audiobook format has been a lifesaver for many parents who tell me they simply don't have time to sit down with a physical book at the end of a demanding day.

You can access the audiobook here:

For more resources, strategies, and supportive community, visit our website at practicalparentsguide.com.

Your Turn

I'd love to hear your experiences and strategies:

What creative approaches have you found for managing boredom with your child?
How does your child's PDA affect how they experience and respond to boredom?
What activities have you discovered that honor your child's need for autonomy while keeping them engaged?

Share your thoughts in the comments below!